the bathroom, singing, and sara groves.

For me, the worst part of sitting in a cube and in meetings all day is the fact that I can’t sing. 8hrs a day and the only break of silence or helicopter mumbo jumbo comes when I obviously go to lunch, but more so when I go to the bathroom.

*qualifier – this doesn’t segway into something awkward, I promise – end of qualifier*

I usually go to the one that is typically vacant on the other side of the building. Whether I actually need to go or not, ill go. The acoustics are just right… seriously! I think ill record my first song in this bathroom.

No, no i probably won’t.

Still, I think it would be a fabulous location. Is it sad that “the bathroom” is my only vice for escape? Possibly… Nevertheless, I’ve had some good times with Jesus while pacing the dusty cracked tile floor. Its even better when someone walks in and I’m in the midst of singing or praying. Talk about awkward.

How do you recover from these situations?                                                                                                                                                           You don’t. You just hope they don’t work anywhere near your department.

My saving grace as of late has been Sara Groves’ new album “Fireflies and Songs”

I’ve been pumping in mass quantities at a time and I really just wish I could hook it up to an IV and let the good times roll. (what?)

This album is brilliant on many levels.

She inspires the wanna-be singer/songwriter and musician within me. Story telling is a gift and I’m not too sure I actually posses it, but I’m extremely grateful for those that do. Especially raw and vulnerable writers like Groves, it seems that “art frames the ordinary” in her music. She takes you to her world and sings a journal of her journey in God, life lessons, and feelings backed with raw emotion of how she reacts to it all. Her words take one shape and form when soundtracked by melodies and imagination. Music is another world and I’m a fan of Sara’s musical world (plus we have the same name). I dare say it’s my favorite of her works thus far.

It hits the spot and it hits it in the best way possible.

All that to say… I’m grateful for Sara Groves and I’m grateful for the bathroom getaway.

-S

not a project.

On my way to work today, The Lord decided to remind me of these seven words… and they have never rung more true in my ears than today.

“You are not a project to Me” (I tend to forget this).

In life, we all find these projects somewhere, and usually it is most potent with friends and family. How can we fix it? Can’t they just LISTEN and understand? Where can we find the steps to see tangible growth from the issues, now!?

Many of us have become so consumed with these “projects” that we begin to measure our own relationship with God in the same way. Expectations, standards, silly equations and formulas with our precise rhetoric are formed into a template that subconsciously becomes the distorted lens we look through of how God deals with each of us.

Scary thought huh?

Yet, it happens all too often and I think when we sit down and take the
time to really think about the way God deals with us, we would all agree that there’s no conclusion you come to, only more questioning. We look at the way He leads and think, “what’s the catch? There’s no way He can be this kind to someone so weak”.God and
His promises all of a sudden become as valid to us as a used car salesman’s
persuasive plea. And in that moment, I bet the Lord so desperately wants to scream, “I’m not like man and you can’t compare
the two of us. I don’t treat you as your sins deserve or repay you in
full for every wrong you make. I’m not like man; we’re not even on the
same scale!” (Ps.103:10)

The challenge is to think rightly about God, it’s a daily journey and battle. It’s a battle that will in fact, continue to rage until the return of the man Jesus.

He deals with us differently; far different than we deal with each other. It’s the road of sanctification led by a man that leads and guides us with perfect wisdom and understanding. He purges us and He does it with love, and his standards are with COMPLETE understanding of where each of us are, RIGHT NOW.

We are His bride – His sheep – the apple of His eye. The one’s He crowns
with loving-kindness and tender mercies. The ones He was bruised,
beaten, became a curse and died for.

We’re not a project; we are the very object of His affection.

-S

*thank you adam and allyster for your editing skills*

friday night.

Its Friday. the work week has ended. the deadlines have ceased, at least for the next 2 days… the chaos, the phone calls, the emails, the things you occupy your time with just to feel normal and less robot like during the 40+ hour work week all somehow seem like ages ago.

Its Friday night and im in a local coffee shop listening to IHOPs Webstream and the most simple of songs is being sung. Good ol’ Kevin Prosch’ Oh Come Let Us Adore Him.

With eyes closed my heart and mind seem to be able to only handle and process these 6 words and nothing more.

The only looming thought my mind can conjure is “where is my aim?”

At the end of the day, when the dust has settled what remains?

If you knew me, youd know that im the person during the week that is counting down the hours (with dread) that I have till I need to go to sleep-wake up-and do this “life” thing all over again.

I think it’s a problem.

Possibly?

The only value ive noticed that comes from this “fascination” with time it is that it makes me VERY jealous for my time, jealous for my time alone, being productive, or doing utterly nothing (rest).

Today I’m worn out with the business. Im wearing myself out with the things i choose to busy myself with.

What is my aim? Do the things I choose to give myself and my time to actually provoke my heart to love jesus and people, or does it just numb the pain of routine?

I need to be a better steward of my time.

Yes waiter, I’ll have an order of Heart Evaluation with a side of Grace.

Thanks.

language.

I don’t want language. I want reality. I understand the desire to speak and pray confidently, clearly, and effectively, but I don’t want just form and great structure of words intertwined with scriptures combined with vocal inflations. I want a true heart reality behind what it is I’m saying and why I’m even saying it. There’s nothing worse then talking when you having nothing to say at all.

alive on the outside, but dead on the inside is suddenly coming to mind…

Jesus, let us pray because you desire us to tarry with you and we long to be where you are, but let us have revelation of the words we’re even declaring. I want to be alive on the inside. I want to move from declarations that are pleasing to the ear and fluidly articulated to my words coming from a place of genuine experience and encounter with the Word, the Life, the Man Jesus.

103.

1 Bless the LORD, O my soul;

And all that is within me, bless His holy name!

2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And forget not all His benefits:

3 Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

4 Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies.

-Psalm 103

Today, my inner man doesn’t want to agree with this Psalm… but that doesn’t change the reality and validity His word. It’s still the same whether I agree, whether it makes sense, or whether I can feel His affection for me. After having forgiven my wicked nature and sin, becoming a curse on my behalf, taking the pain and anguish that was meant for me and redeeming my life from what I truly deserve… He STILL… even after it all.. He still desires and wants to crown me with loving-kindness and tender mercy. Offering it to me freely, never questioning the merit of my existence.

The reality is that He’s unmeasurably good whether I believe it or not and the aim of my life is to come into agreement with this eternal reality. Now the sad reality for us, is that when your heart is not in agreement with Him, its not alive.

no bueno.

My Boyfriends Back…

.. and you’re gonna dun na na na (whatever the words are)!!!                                                *que the ridiculous song*

Ok ok ok… My boyfriend is definitely not back, BUT my sisters ARE!!

That’s right folks, they just got in today from the oh so Holy Land of Israel and I can not wait to see them… As im writing this, there is a lovely lull at work and I’m dying to get home to see them… and shower… (don’t judge me)

Can’t wait to hear all the stories, see the 2.3 billion pictures, and mostly hear what on earth transpired in their hearts since they’ve been away.

I know in my life there was a defining moment I had in Israel that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man Jesus had just marked my heart and life for the place of intercession, forever.

There’s something magical about Israel… I humbly refer to it as a Prophetic Disneyworld on crack. OK, Here me out before you go all “heretic” on me, because truly, this place is unlike any other.

It’s real! It exists! Things make sense! Everything you’ve read about or heard about actually takes on life. The little Sunday school stories begin to take on shape with form and color. This place is real and Gods desire for Israel and the Jew is more real today then it was 2000 years ago when Jesus took on flesh and dwelt among us (particuarly this very place when he was on the earth. wow) …

If you haven’t gone, make your plans NOW. Your heart, your mind, and your soul will NEVER ever be the same!

Sisters how I have missed you! Mostly Rachel because she’s been there for three months, but Liv has been there for a month as well so my “missing” is for her too!!

if….

If I could sanctify any musician and stick them on a prayer room set, whom would I pick?? 

Worship w/ the Word:

1. James Taylor

2. Robert Plant and Allison Krauss

3. Norah Jones

4. Boys II Men

5. Whitney Houston

Intercession:

1. U2  (OH, Bono, if only you would be honest.  Recruiting mankind to save itself is like looking for nursery workers on the sex offender list…what would happen if you sang the Gospel?  What a dream…)

2. Lauryn Hill

3. Mutemath

4. Coldplay

5. Kings of Leon

 

Am i right or am i right?

adoption…

A Journey i hope to go on someday. A process i hope to go through in the future.

Loving the unloved and outcast of society. This is a group the Lord has pointed out to “take care of the Orphan and the Widow (James 1:27)”. This inst a figurative statement, this is reality at its finest..

A few wonderful Blogs i wanna highlight that will encourage your heart and make you aware of what the Lord is doing for men and women that respond to his call to take care of the orphan and widow!!

Randy Boehlender 

as well as

http://momentswithlove.blogspot.com/

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

meditation.

a scripture i’ve been meditating on and may follow up with some thoughts later… im learning the value in mediation as of late. finding that “phrase” to refer back to as mush as possible in your day that stirs the Spirit of God in your inward parts. that phrase that prokes your heart to fellowship. 

Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom;
I am understanding, I have strength.
By me kings reign,
And rulers decree justice.
By me princes rule, and nobles,
All the judges of the earth.
I love those who love me,
And those who seek me diligently will find me.
Riches and honor are with me,
Enduring riches and righteousness.
My fruit is better than gold, yes, than fine gold,
And my revenue than choice silver.
I traverse the way of righteousness,
In the midst of the paths of justice,
That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth,
That I may fill their treasuries.
“The LORD possessed me at the beginning of His way,
Before His works of old.
I have been established from everlasting,
From the beginning, before there was ever an earth.
When there were no depths I was brought forth,
When there were no fountains abounding with water.
Before the mountains were settled,
Before the hills, I was brought forth;
While as yet He had not made the earth or the fields,
Or the primal dust of the world.
When He prepared the heavens, I was there,
When He drew a circle on the face of the deep,
When He established the clouds above,
When He strengthened the fountains of the deep,
When He assigned to the sea its limit,
So that the waters would not transgress His command,
When He marked out the foundations of the earth,
Then I was beside Him as a master craftsman;
And I was daily His delight,
Rejoicing always before Him,
Rejoicing in His inhabited world,

And my delight was with the sons of men.

“Now therefore, listen to me, my children,
For blessed are those who keep my ways.
Hear instruction and be wise,
And do not disdain it.
Blessed is the man who listens to me,
Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at the posts of my doors.
For whoever finds me finds life,
And obtains favor from the LORD

Proverbs 8:14-35

today my phrase is “For whoever finds me finds life”…

update.

Wowzer…It’s already July! This year is beyond half over ALREADY!!

Where does the time go? I only wish I knew.To think that I’ve already been home from Kansas City for 6months seems kind of crazy. Even though I feel like I just left.

In the mean time life is back in the swing of working the good ol’ 8-5, full steam ahead with the work world. I’m not always thrilled about the heading home in rush hour traffic with already tensed shoulders from the day and the minor headache part. As well as the itching desire on the inside to not be confound to a cubicle with zero social interaction 9hrs a day… ugh!

Alas, helicopters have been good to me, so I really can’t complain at all!

Side Note: I work for a company called American Eurocopter. In a nutshell we customize helicopters for the army, coast guard, different military branches, and yadayada… What do I do? Hmmm…  My official title is: Material Master Support, but lets just go with Research and Data Analysis, there’s too much to explain!

I’m grateful for the job I have considering the difficulty people are experiencing finding jobs these days.

I’m going to count this one all joy, my friends. Why? Cause it’s another day to live and breathe. It’s another day to share the love of Jesus and live a life that’s tries to point to Him as much as possible.

Its another day to be disciplined enough to take a few minutes every hour and turn my brain off, look to the inner man, and set my attention and affection on Jesus, even for just a minute.

I’ve found so much joy in fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit at work, giving him my glance even when chaos is waiting at the door. There’s something beautiful that in the business you can stop and say, “you have my full affection and full attention, Jesus. You’re the one I love”.

I find that simple phrase can carry my heart through stress and the routine.

My goal at work is pasted on a lovely yellow post-it-note on my desk as a reminder everyday that “I refuse to live at a distance”.

I refuse to let the stress, the routine, and the mundane become the wedge between my communion and relationship with Jesus in the workplace.

 So, just as a little encouragement for my fellow 8-5 er’s, don’t let the business get in the way. I promise if you take a few minutes even every few hours to just fellowship with the holy spirit and tell Him you love Him and give Him your undivided attention for just a moment, you will be surprised how your heart is postured through the day. Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you have to “check out”, let it be an opportunity to be disciplined (I use an alarm throughout the day to remind me to take time and STOP what im doing and focus my affection somewhere else). I double dog dare you to try it.

 

On a more sentimental note,

My big sis has been gone in Israel for almost three weeks now…

Its crazy how the time has flown and crazy to think that she still has another two months there! Yet, the excitement for her and what she’s doing is still growing!

She’s giving her up her life not to move to an exotic location to vacate, unless you consider terrorist bombings and military walking around with guns exotic.

More than that, she’s giving a chunk of her year to the Prayer Movement and serving the people of Israel in any way possible.I wish so badly that I was there and able to serve at Succat Hallel and the House of Prayer along side her, but I know that this is her time now. It’s her time to let the Lord mark her life in a deeper way for Israel and Intercession!

I’m so proud of her! I’m so proud that she was so brave to leave the comfortable surroundings and go do something that I believe is going to mark her life for all eternity. I know that her decision to go really and truly holds an eternal weight of Glory! I think we’ll begin to understand in years to come as everything that the Lord has placed in her during these 3 months begins to unfold. 

Sis, I miss you terribly! The house isn’t the same without you in it, but we’re all praying for you and excited for what God is doing!

Soak up every moment!

Love you!

-S

Another side note:

If you think about it, pray for my sis while she is in Israel and also pray for the family that she is staying with, the Benjamin’s. They’ve been having some Visa complications and Jesus needs to break in! Regardless, His leadership is perfect!

Thanks!