We sat around the living room, just the five of us. Feeling a touch of anxiety, but more so, resorting back to those comedic jokes you use to lighten the mood when you know that vulnerability is knocking at your door.
We talked about being discontent and what that means to us, what it looks like, and how it makes you squirm and fearful and jealous all in one breath. We all talked about how were unsatisfied with some of the cards we’d been dealt and the steps we found ourselves routinely and mundanely taking. It has this unexplainable way of weighing you down till your knees start to ache. And that’s just how I felt.
“Discontentment is plaguing the souls of women.”
We read aloud from our study guide.
“Our houses are too small; we wear the wrong size; we can’t get pregnant; we can’t get married; we can’t afford the right jeans. We need kids that obey and hair that obeys and husbands that obey, and we need jobs that are fulfilling and enough money to do it all. We need the big things and small things because we want something more, something different. And our souls are sick with it.”
After those words were spoken, we all just sat there… Trying to find the words to convey just how much our aching hearts could identity with a single paragraph. And I identified with it greatly… feeling as if I was spinning my wheels at a unfulfilling job that sucked up most of my time and energy that i wanted to use for things that mattered and held more value to me than punching the clock. I realized how little i had left to spill over to my friends and family and how discontent these circumstances made me feel. I wanted something else.
Something more, something different.
It’s what we all want.
What we all aim for in one way or another because we’ve been convinced that who we are, where we’re at, and what we’ve been given is not even close to being enough.
“A restless longing for better circumstances” is the very way Webster’s dictionary defines the word discontentment.
And in some ways, id say that’s true and a very common theme found woven through the fabric of our human hearts.
My only thought is::
when is better circumstances
and better locations
and better jobs
will it EVER be enough?
Around that living room we sat, pouring out our aggravations and our growing pains. Listing ways that we wished things were different. And after hearing us share our side of the story, i began to realize that we each have pictures of how we think our lives are supposed to be, if we build them just live we envision. And its inevitable we become disappointed when things don’t turn just out just like we planned, when our story starts to unfold in ways we never intended on writing… and its there we are typically found, too busy being discontent and complaining about what should be, to be grateful for what already is.
There’s more i want to share on this topic and will plan my next post to dive into scripture about it.
Because there has to be hope for that restless longing we feel and there must be something we’ve missed along the way.
I hope we can learn together.